Is it, real?

I can't hardly sleep when I eat too much or in a bad sneeze. But tonight it's not about my appetite or the sine. Mostly, because I was too afraid of another failure. Well, it's not a good introduction to begin with, but I become so emotional tonight.

For 21 y/o lady, I found so much blessing in life. Being able to work in a fashion magazine before I graduate, visiting some countries without even need to pay for the travel, another achievements such as selected as former board in some organizations; secretary in student choir, treasurer in CINTA Indonesia, and one of my proudest moment was being able to conducted the first Islamic Fashion Fair in 2012. Well said, am an active mind, with functioning body.

To be honest, the fear of failure didn't come in instant, I've been working really hard to maintain my fear since ages, and tonight I bereaved the hope. My biggest demon, are when I can't stop wonder if am not accepted in scholarship programme, why I can't, what should I do so, what shud I explain to mom, and another blabbered thoughts. Those horrible feelings bumped in mind right before I close my eyes which result this post. I'm afraid the failure will exactly happen, and I will waste more time. Now, I blame my self for being too productive and forgot about my main aim. I'm usually well prepared to welcome you, but tonight I'm failed.

 Guys, tell me. Is it real?